When I was 16 I found out that I was pregnant. I never thought this could happen to me. I was young and invinsible, I thought wrong. Finding out your pregnant and still a child yourself is hard in itself but on top of that there was still high school and worrying about getting a job and providing for this new found life. My first plan was to keep my baby, I would have been a great single mom. Of course I also had a great family that would help me in whatever I needed. As I thought more about it, reality hit home. How could I, still a child myself, raise one myself? Of course I could give him all the love and comfort he needed but what about stability? How could I cheat him on not having what I have, a stable home with a mom and a dad who are married and ready to be parents. How could I put my child through the heartache and confusion of passing him back and forth weekend to weekend from mommy and daddys house. It just didn't seem fair.
It broke my heart when the truth of adoption rang true in my heart. After many sleepless nights, tear-filled prayers and alot of help from my good friends I knew exactly what I had to do.
I beagan searching for a faimly for my child. They had to be perfect, someone that would raise him that way I would. I looked at many different familys but not one felt right until my cousin informed me of a family in her ward. She brought me their Birthmother letter and a packet of pictures and the moment I looked at them I new they were the ones. My heart filled with overwhelming joy and excitment to meet this couple. I finally got a chance to meet them and I informed them that they were the once that I chose to place my child with. Brittany and Jimmy promised me the world when they new they were getting a baby. They promised me pictures and letters whenever I needed them.
I was lucky enough to be an instrument to give this couple the gift they could not give eachother and I am very gratefull for that. Even though I was filled with joy I was also filled with pain and heartache. So many people were rude and said very hurtful things to me about just "giving up" my baby. I did not give him up, I gave him more.
Boston will be three this month and he is my pride and joy. Promises that were made to me were broken. My abundance of pictures were small and far in between. But I know with everything that I am Boston is where he is ment to be, with his loving parents Brittany and Jimmy.
My heart may never heal from the hole this experience has left, but the pain is bearable now. My arms may always ache to hold him but that too is bearable. Where ever you are Boston, I love you.
Paige Hansen
Birthmother story.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
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